Up until grown-ish season 2 when the word ‘Situationship’ was mentioned, I honestly didn’t know what it meant, and I’m not sure I really cared, and then I heard it again on E!News, but still didn’t pay it much attention, until I read a Huffington post article about it, and that caught my attention easily, cause it finally gave me an explanation to questions I had been asking for a while. So, basically, I am going to be helping you stars out by telling you all the details you need to know about the biggest word of recent times-Situationships.
Frequently asked questions about Situationships.
1.What is a Situationship?
A Situationship/Situational Relationship is basically a connection between two people that serves a short term need in one or both partners but may or may not evolve into something more stable or meaningful, It’s like playing house by pretending you are in a relationship but with no real consistency, dependency or reliability.
2. How is a Situationship different from a relationship?
A Situationship is essentially a relationship that hasn’t been defined. So anything that precedes the DTR (define the relationship) conversation but follows the initial first few dates constitutes a Situationship, while, with a relationship there is a sense of commitment to each other coined with a deeper level of reliability.
3. Are Situationships the same thing as Friends With Benefits?
No, because in a friends with benefits situation, there are already set limits, guidelines and restrictions, each individual involved knows what is expected, but with a situationship, there are no rules set, you literally just take everyday as it comes.
4. Do Situationships always end badly?
Not at all, I’m certain there are some beautiful love stories that have erupted from these Situationships, cause for you to term yourselves with the word, “Situationships” you must have some level of tolerance, understanding, physical attraction, and undeniable alchemy between you both, so of course there is always room to take things to the next level (Honestly when it comes to Situationships, one conversation can change it all).
5. What usually causes people to opt for Situationships?
Usually, It starts when one or both parties involved doesn’t want to bring up the conversation on the designation/definition of their relationship, because they don’t want to put pressure on their current situation. Or it could just be that the people involved are tired of basic relationships, and need something different at that particular time.
6. Do Situationships occur in every kind of orientation?
Ýes, Situationships occur in heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, and pansexual relationships.
7. How long do Situationships last?
Truthfully, Statistics have shown that these Situational relationships last longer than your average relationship because of it’s low level of expectancy and high level of freedom, and so, these sort of arrangements could last for as long as you want it, so long as there is communication and continuous interest.
8. Are Situationships Exclusive?
When it comes to Situational relationships, there is no one boat that floats all, you literally have to make your own rules and live by them, If you say “Let’s see other people too”, then that should be followed, and if it goes, “We should totally not see any other people” then that should in turn be strictly followed.
9. What exactly does a Situationship entail?
A Situationship is a romantic involvement between two people which includes, but is not limited to, frequent dating, house visits, (potential) parent meeting, (potential) friend sharing, lots of laughter, attraction, and of course intense sexual chemistry. However, there are absolutely NO titles established in this union. No rules, no regulations, no responsibility, NO BOUNDARIES!”
12 Signs you are in a Situationship.
1.You both don’t know what to call each other in public (or private)
Once you are certain you are in a relationship, you almost want to plaster it in everyone’s faces, you literally may go on and on in every conversation about your significant other, but when it comes to Situationships, you both don’t know what to introduce each other as in public, and in every situation, you avoid the words “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” like a plague, although this doesn’t in anyway dampen the fact that there can be strong feelings and intimacy involved despite the seeming lack of commitment.
2.All your friends call you guys a “thing’
I hate to say this but Honestly in situations concerning relationships my friends are usually right, and I suppose yours are too, Once everyone around describes you guys as a “thing” without any further emphasis, then you are definitely in a situationship.
3.You are uncertain about everything
Just because situationships are expectation-free (Want to cancel plans? No Big Deal. Don’t feel like bringing soup when they’re sick? No need!) doesn’t mean they’re stress-free. Actually, Situationships are usually more stressful than traditional relationships because there is no normalcy or calmness, you never know what may be sprung upon you, because in truth you don’t really know the other person and so you end up feeling anxious because there’s uncertainty, ambiguity, and ambivalence.
4.It’s convenient (for them)
Often, situationships favor one person more than the other. They can be mutually beneficial, but they’re quite often more suitable for one person and, if you’re reading this, you’re probably not that person. Situationships can be the ideal situation for someone who enjoys being with another person, but doesn’t want to feel the pressure of commitment, and also doesn’t want to go on one million dates with one million other people, meaning, they are usually happy being with just one person without having to put labels on anything.
5.You don’t talk about the future
Not only do you avoid labeling the relationship, but you don’t talk about breaking up, neither do you talk about the future. You literally never make any long-term plans, you strictly just bask in the present moment and make the most of it, You know you’re in a situationship if any kind of conversation concerning the future is off-limits. Maybe it’s too much pressure. Maybe it’s too early to make any sort of plans, Or maybe one or both of you don’t see each other in your lives in the foreseeable future.
6.They tell you they are not looking to get serious
This is essentially the easiest way to know you’re in a situationship. Usually, when people say things (particularly guys) they usually mean it, if the other person tells you they don’t really want anything serious, then they really don’t, and no matter what magic moves you make, The chances of changing the individual’s already set-up mind are slim to none. (Except for rare cases of course).
7.They show you they are not looking to get serious
When in doubt: Open. Your. Eyes. “People will show you through their actions what they think of you,” Medcalf says. “If they’re not calling, they’re just not that into you, If they are consistent this week, and can’t seem to remember you the next week.” They are technically showing you exactly what they feel inside, and some things never change.
8.You have feelings, but you know it’s not love
Whenever your friends ask what you feel for the other person, You literally say feelings (I’m guilty of this!) You know you feel comfortable with this person, you are most definitely attracted to them, and they excite you just a little bit too much, but then again, you are so certain it’s not love and sometimes you are not afraid to say that.
9.They always make the same (vague) excuses
“Sorry I’ve been busy,” “Why are you calling thrice a day” “Shoot, I forgot it was Valentine” “I’d call you in a bit” and that was 72 hours ago, My darling, you are probably in a Situationship, cause In relationships, these sort of excuses lead to a plan B, “Fine, we’d celebrate after work”, “I’d call you once I get to a quiet place” “What restaurant is best for our Valentine dinner” When you’re in a relationship, you make time for your partner, no matter what other life events are going on. But in a situationship, there’s no urge to problem-solve. (Since that would require, you know, effort, and you don’t want that).”
10.They don’t want to know anything about you beyond the basics
In a Situationship, they definitely want to know the next time you guys are hooking up, but they don’t want to know your dream job or future plans, because essentially they do not care enough to know that, (I was once in a “thing” where we didn’t know each other’s last names until it was over, like It never even crossed our minds to even ask).
11.There’s no consistency
Situationships are particularly plagued with extreme highs and lows as though you are on the world’s longest roller coaster, You literally feel like this is love today, and the next day, you are wondering what you’re doing, You may hang out several times a week, or meet the relations in one week, and by the next week, you only see each other for an hour at the bus station.
12.You mostly make small (and sexy) talk
Emotional closeness is not what a situationship is about, so don’t fret when they don’t bother to ask your last name or your date of birth, but certainly want to know your favorite sexy fantasy. Sure, you may know where the person lives and works, and maybe a few general details like where they grew up or if they’re a cat or dog person. But let’s be real: You’re more comfortable talking about small, irrelevant (usually sexy) things than talking about your fears, insecurities, or lessons from past relationships.
When a Situationship is absolutely necessary.
1.If you are just testing the waters, particularly if you are just having an exploration phase, it would be ridiculous to try to get into anything long term, so a Situationship is your best bet here, because it still gives you some form of company while giving you freedom.
2. If you have commitment phobia, you should probably just stick to Situationships until you have therapy sessions that would help you deal with the root of your issues, cause it is honestly really unfair when you get into a relationship knowing you have tons and tons of problems that you are just ready to heap on the other person. (Everyone already knows that falling for a Commitment phobe is the worst mistake you can ever make).
P.S. Commitment phobia (Gamophobia) is essentially the fear of any kind of commitment or dedication that involves other people, not just relationship commitment. (I may write a post on Commitment Phobia later actually so you can get all the details, and I’d add a link so you can take the tests and find out if you are one).
3. If you are just getting to know the person– If you both are just getting to know and understand each other, there is no need to force yourselves into a relationship if you aren’t really ready for it, You could always test the waters with a Situationship before making huge life-changing decisions. (Who knows, You may realize you never want to see the other person’s face again after two weeks!).
4. If you just don’t want them long term but there’s a high level of attraction-When there is an insane amount of attraction but you basically know you guys aren’t meant to be together long term, (Please don’t force a relationship, cause that would only lead to a million more problems). You can act on some of your feelings by entering into a Situationship with whatever rules you both have set and of course you both can see how that plays out.
5. If you are just having that do-what-you-want phase– On one of my favorite shows Insecure, it’s called a “hoe-phase” but basically we all need that period of total liberation, and nothing will give that to you than a relationship that doesn’t really have all the expectations and consistency, and is really just saddled with fun and freedom. (Once it all gets boring, Then it’s a done-deal).
6. If you just got out of a long committed relationship, and you aren’t ready to get into a new one right away (A Situationship is totally encouraged here).
P.S. In truth, Situationships are not always bad (I know that for sure) they can be a convenient “compromise” for two people who want the companionship, but not the deeper strings attached to it. The one rule to making it work though: Is for every party to be aware that they definitely aren’t in a relationship, and that the road between the two states are far apart.
When Situationships become a bad idea–And you should totally end it.
1.When one of the parties wants more than the other person, and they are basically not on the same page. (You need to end it as fast as possible, so it doesn’t lead to so much more sadness and emotions–.This hurts so bad!).
2. When you’re actually getting bored with the whole unserious routine-The only reason you are not in a relationship is so you don’t have to deal with all the familiar, boring routines, Situationships should be far from that, Once you are getting more and more drained and bored of your arrangement, It is time to end it.
3. When the anxiety brought about by the relationships instability begins to affect your work, school, or other personal relationships.
4. When you feel undue pressure or it seems like you’re loosing yourself in trying to keep the other person.
5. When your priorities and thoughts on the whole arrangement changes (Don’t fight it, Please just end it!).
How to get out of a Situationship.
This is basically a run-down on how to get out of a Situationship if your needs aren’t being met or it’s all becoming very boring and draining.
1.Be true to youself
We all go through those mornings of reflections, and nights of soul searching, and when you’re confused about where your situation lies, The first step towards getting out of it is to give yourself a little pep talk, truthfully, define what you want out of yourself, out of that person, out of your current situation, and then make the best decision while prioritizing your own feelings (because no one’s going to love you like you love you).
2. Ghosting without Ghosting.
Ghosting would be completely ignoring all messages and calls. This is a rookie move. What you need to do is let them know that your interest is not as strong as theirs. If they text, reply much later and mention that responding back “slipped your mind.” If you call back, make sure it’s during the most inconvenient times. That communicates that they are not on your mind like you are on theirs. (This isn’t the best, but it still is a way to go).
3. Friend-zone (to their faces)
This is another mean way of handling things, but then again, It’s whatever floats your boat right?. Before applying this technique you must have stayed away from intimate conversations or acts for at least a week, then you can drop the friend-bomb on them, although this would inevitably still lead to a conversation, at least it is a means to an end. You just need to introduce them as your friend, or refer to them with terms like, ‘sis’ or ‘bruh’ in public and this would surely pass your message once it really sinks in.
4. Communicate (In Person)
It’s not a real relationship, that’s true. But that doesn’t mean you can end it haphazardly. Be a mature adult and break the situationship off in person. (Please don’t go to their workplace!). Maybe it won’t go as planned, but at least you were brave enough to end it in person. However, if you feel that your situationship wasn’t deep enough for a personal conversation to be necessary, then a thoughtful and well-crafted text can be acceptable.
The awkward breakup conversation-What you should say?
If you opt for an actual breakup conversation, of course you know you’ve chosen the hardest of all techniques, but then again, it is also the most mature. We all know the cliche’d breakup lines, “I don’t deserve you”, “You can do so much better”, “It’s not you, it’s me” (I could roll my eyes at that last one). Well, unfortunately when it comes to breaking up, Situationships aren’t that different from Relationships because you literally have to end it by softening the blow with some terrible, terrible, cringe-worthy lines.
The best way to go is by saying:
1.”I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but I’m not ready for a relationship and don’t think we’re on the same page here. I wish you all the best!”
2.”You are great, but we seem to want different things, so I think we should try and explore other options with other people.”
3.”My wants are not being met in the manner I’d like it to be, and although this is no sole fault of yours, we should probably go our separate ways and see how that works out.”
4.”We can’t do this forever, I’m at a place where I need some time on my own to really figure out myself and priorities, We should probably nip this in the bud, so the life transition doesn’t affect any of us. Wish you the best in life and your future relationships!”
P.S. If you see a punch coming your way, PLEASE DUCK AND RUN AWAY!!!
Of course the response from the other party will prompt further responses and define the direction of the conversation, You may just be headed towards the biggest public fight in recent memory, or we may actually see the greatest love story since Jack, Rose and the Titanic. (The Latter Please!)
P.S. Never get into any kind of relationship, situationship or any arrangements of that sort due to any kind of pressure, Choose yourself everytime, Be Selfish, and of course if you ever feel pressure, Leave the kitchen!
Ideas for this post were gotten from: http://www.huffpost.com http://www.womenshealthmag.com http://www.menshealth.com.
Angel’s Extras: I have definitely learnt from this post just as you have, and I’d love to have further discussions with you all in the comments section. (Maybe we could all share some stories!)
Reminder: Check out the next part of the two-part Situationship series, there, I would chronicle, The Tips to making Situationships work perfectly, Upsides and Downsides of Situationships according to relationship experts, How to avoid falling into a Situationship and How to turn a Situationship into a real relationship. https://misspresident.home.blog/2020/06/03/situationships-pt-2-everything-you-need-to-know/
XO, ANGEL JOANNE.
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7 thoughts on “Situationships Pt.1-Everything You Need To Know.”
It’s first time I hear that term and my thoughts are… wow, the world is changing. Nothing certain anymore. We are buying things just for trying them out, with a 30 day return guarantee, now this kind of attitude enters even the world of relationship. It looks like people don’t know anymore what they really want…
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You are so correct, those were my exact thoughts, People don’t know what they want anymore. Although, I have found out that sometimes these sort of non-committed relationships actually do work for some certain people, and that is okay too. You can read more on “Situationships” on Huffington post or Women’s health websites. XO, ANGEL JOANNE.
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I’ve also never heard the term but after reading your article, I can see that I’ve been in a few of these in my life! They always ended badly but I suppose they don’t HAVE to. It seems like situationships come about when people are too afraid to communicate with one another, though, so the chances of it ending well are reduced because both sides are too scared to end it like an adult.
You are totally right, They are usually not the best, neither are they the worst, but it all comes down to the fact that people are usually afraid to communicate their true feelings, and that is what almost always makes these sort of relationships fail. I hope you’d read the second part to get more insights. Thanks. XO, ANGEL JOANNE.
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I will definitely read it. 🙂
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Thanks a lot!