We all probably know about the concept of Confidence, It is basically the feeling of trust in someone or something, It usually comes with feelings of certainty, assurance and assertiveness. Self-confidence on the other hand, is having all that trust, certainty and assurance in your amazing self.
Usually, the major reason our self-confidence hits an all time low is because of rejection, We’ve been rejected from social clubs, sports teams, official positions so much that we can’t help but doubt ourselves and our abilities. Trust me, I get it, I’m the queen of self-doubt, I usually spend hours and hours convincing myself that I shouldn’t do certain things just because I think I shouldn’t–which is basically, No Absolute Reason, except that i’m not confident enough in myself to actually make an attempt, and There is no bigger dream killer than self-doubt honestly, yet we are all so great at it.
Now, we are all definitely not the most elegant people in the room, or the smartest, or the kindest, but there is something we are that no one else is and that is Ourselves. We can’t be anything more than who we are, and we deserve to bask in that and own it. Our confidence has been beaten down too many times, and now it deserves to shine, just as you deserve the killer list to take your self confidence to the next level.
1. Always be prepared- Game face on.
Learn everything there is to know about your field, job, presentation–whatever is next on your “to conquer” list. If you are prepared, and have the knowledge to back it up, your self-confidence will soar, because truthfully, even with the largest confidence, a question you lack the basic knowledge about in any discussion, will throw all your momentum to the bottom of the lake.
2. Know who you are–Yes, you own the world.
This remains my guiding principle in life, and the truth is, you are never going to get anywhere without this, if you can’t make a clear difference between your own strengths and that of the next person, your own weaknesses and that of the next person, you are going to end up not being able to certainly make clear distinctions between the both people and that can only cause you to get lost along the way, stringing your confidence right behind you.
3. Great body language will get you everywhere
This is where your posture, smiling and eye contact come into play. Just the simple act of pulling your shoulders back gives others the impression that you are a confident person. Smiling will not only make you feel better, but will make others feel more comfortable around you. Imagine a person with good posture and a smile and you’ll be envisioning someone who is self-confident. Honestly, I always use that smiling trick, I smile at everyone I see and that gives the illusion that i’m so sure of myself in situations where i’m really trembling inside. The truth is, I smile more when i’m nervous, but somehow that always comes off as confidence.
4. Dress like it’s your party
The world is yours-Never forget it, Life is a party, and we make the beat, You have every right to dress in whatever makes your heart happy and comfortable, cause truthfully, Comfort breeds Confidence, and You deserve to dress like the God and Goddess you truly are (Splurge if you like!) Tip: If you are going for a job interview or formal event, please don’t wear pyjamas because they make you comfortable, Try to dress as formally as possible, cause, unfortunately, people use appearances to judge everything these days.
5. Stare into their soul
Maintain eye contact with whoever you’re speaking to, Never, ever look at your shoes or the floor, although that is the go-to move when you’re feeling a bit nervous, you have to try not to do that, cause it gives off an aura of fear, I usually roll my eyes around, i never let my eyes rest on the person i’m speaking to, and although that doesn’t exactly give off a sense of confidence it gives off a sense of disinterest, which will make the person you’re speaking to make attempts to keep your interest in the conversation. It isn’t exactly the best tip for self-confidence, but it is what I do to hide my nervousness, and I’ve found out that it always works for me, and manages to bridge the gap between between my anxiety level and that of the person I’m in conversation with.
6. Speak slower than Angelina Jolie
Research has proven that those who take the time to speak slowly and clearly appear more self-confident to others, Why do you think world renowned celebrities like Angelina Jolie and Beyonce never ramble, they take their time to speak like the world is waiting for them, because it definitely is. The added bonus is people will actually be able to understand what you are saying. I actually recently learnt and tried this tip, and I found out that it really does make you appear like you know exactly what you’re doing, especially when you have a great vocabulary and diction.
7. Create your own mantra-You are a soldier in your army.
I told a couple of my friends about my family’s positivity mantra, and they didn’t believe me until they heard my dad say it to me over the phone after I ranted about one of my exam results (Bless my father!) The mantra was created by my father and he passed it onto all of us, We always say it right before we resume school or before any tests, exams or any major event. It goes, “Ány where you go” and then the other person replies “Shine”. We never forget to say it three times, because as corny as that family ritual sounds, It always helps keep my confidence on track, because I literally walk into whatever room I’m heading into, feeling like i’m literally glowing.
8. Make a killer list of your accomplishments, because you are greater than you even realize
Unfortunately, we can’t ever be anyone but ourselves, and so we know all our failures, rejections and weaknesses, which makes it hard to push past that and focus on our strengths, successes and achievements (We all have something!). In order to boost your confidence, you need to sit down right now and make a list of all the things in your life that you are thankful for and also a list of those things you are proud of accomplishing. Once your lists are complete, post them on your refrigerator door, or the wall by your desk, or your bathroom mirror–somewhere where you can easily be reminded of what an amazing life you have and what an amazing person you really are. If you feel your self-confidence dwindling, take a look at those lists and let yourself feel and be inspired all over again by you. I personally use this tip, I have been opportuned to have received several academic awards and medals from my primary, secondary and tertiary institutions, and those awards are displayed in the living room in my house, (Thanks mum!) and looking at them honestly never gets old, It always reminds me of where I was, the efforts I put in and the journey that has brought me to my present moment, and of course that always elevate my mood and in turn my confidence.
9. Give, Give and Never Stop Giving
I’ve always said that generosity is great, and it also comes with a minute level of selfishness, because once you give out something especially one that you needed, you always feel a little bit better, you feel like a new version of you has been created, you feel liberated and free, like you are right on the road to heaven. And what else is a better confidence booster, than an actual ticket to heaven (I’m honestly laughing as i’m writing this). But the truth is that it works, whenever I give out something I always feel so great about myself, like I literally feel like i’m the best person in the whole world.
10. Knowledge is power- Yes, Game Of Thrones is wrong
I take a lot of advice from game of thrones, More than is necessary actually, but of course I didn’t take this one (Sorry Cersei Lannister) -Knowledge will get you everywhere and anywhere, I know, because all the Forbes success stories we’ve read have only come about because the people involved have some sort of Knowledge about particular things and they go on to make fortunes out of it (Exhibit A: Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Kylie Jenner) etc. Check among a large group of people, those who have the most knowledge about particular topics are usually the ones with the most to say, and of course they are the most confident in that group. Personally, I only love to speak about what I know, and I can proudly say that I’m knowledgeable on a number of things, and of course, because I have knowledge about certain things, I also want to have an opinion, and ’cause sometimes I feel so well informed, I feel extremely confident in whatever I’m saying. So whenever You want to feel confident, Get yourself some knowledge. (Sounds like I’m taking advice from Scandal now, Ugh!).
11. Kill the negativity
I know it’s hard to keep up with positivity when we live in a world that only tries to stifle that, but we owe it to our selves to give our thoughts a breather and think positively. You have to learn to be aware of our self-conversations, cause slowly the thoughts you have about yourself and what you’re doing internally, radiates outside and turns you into a real life Debbie Downer. A friend of mine once told me how she kills all negative thoughts from her mind, She would imagine that a negative thought was a bug, and she would vigilantly be on the lookout for these bugs. When she caught one, she would stomp on it (mentally of course) and squash it. Kill it dead. Then replace it with a positive one. (“C’mon, you can do this! It’s Only one life left!”).
12. Stand tall, Feel how close you are to the sky
There’s a song– North Star by my favorite alt. band IAMX, and I always find myself subconsciously singing a part of the lyrics that says, ‘Stand tall, Shoulders back, Feeling brave, Who am I?’ Those words only further affirm the already known fact that Standing tall makes you feel brave, and great and confident. I have horrible posture (slouching sucks), so it will sound hypocritical for me to give this advice, but I know it works because I try it often. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about myself. I have actually been called proud before just because of my stance, and of course how I walk, I must add that i’m a great walker, and I have the hips swaying thing down to a science– More tips on that later. Tip: People who stand tall and confident are more attractive. (Exhibit A: RIHANNA) That’s a good thing any day, in my book.
P.S. I’m not the confidence queen, and I have definitely learnt from these tips just as you have, We should try them together, and I’d love to hear about your progress in the comment section).
XO, ANGEL JOANNE.
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